Crypto Dictionary Staging

Asynchronous

adjective | ey·sing·kruh·nuhs When your code is too cool for school and doesn't wait around for nobody. Async programming is like the honey badger of computer science - it just does its thing without giving a fuck about what else is happening. Perfect for multitasking, terrible for actually getting shit done.

Example

"I rewrote our whole backend in async Rust because I hate myself and love debugging race conditions." "My async JavaScript function is so fast, it finishes before it even starts. Beat that, synchronous losers!"

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29 Apr 2024

Assets Under Management (AUM)

noun | as·ets uhn·der man·ij·muhnt The metric that separates the big swinging dicks of the financial world from the plebs with a Robinhood account. AUM is the total value of all the tendies a fund or firm is 'managing' (read: gambling with). It's like a dick-measuring contest, but with money instead of meat.

Example

"Bro, did you hear about that new crypto hedge fund? They've got like $10 billion in AUM!" "Yeah, well, my AUM is like $500, if you count the loose change in my couch cushions."

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29 Apr 2024

Ask Price

noun | ask prahys The lowest price some greedy bastard is willing to sell their shitcoins or stonks for. It's like a game of financial chicken - who will blink first, the buyer or the seller? In a bull market, the ask price is just a suggestion. In a bear market, it's a cruel taunt.

Example

"Should I hit the ask price on this rare Pepe NFT, or do you think I can lowball the seller?" "The ask price for Bitcoin just shot up to $100K. Looks like the HODL gang is feeling extra froggy today."

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29 Apr 2024

Apeing

verb | eyp·ing When degenerate gamblers throw a metric crapton of cash into a memecoin, NFT, or other shiny new crypto thing, hoping to get stupid rich stupid quick. Apeing is the YOLO approach to investing - high risk, high reward, and often, high levels of regret.

Example

"I aped into Dogecoin when Elon Musk tweeted about it, and now I'm driving a Lambo on the moon!" "My dumbass friend aped his entire stimulus check into some sketchy NFT project. RIP his life savings."

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29 Apr 2024

Anti Money Laundering (AML)

noun | an·tee muh·nee lawn·der·ing The buzzkill rules and regs that try to stop criminals from disguising their ill-gotten gains as legit cash money. AML is the narc of the financial world, harshing everyone's mellow with pesky questions about the source of your funds. Because apparently, "I sold a kidney on the dark web" isn't an acceptable answer.

Example

"The casino's AML policy is so strict, I had to prove I wasn't laundering money just to bet $100 on black." "Bro, this new DeFi platform is the bomb - no KYC, no AML, just pure, unadulterated degeneracy!" "I tried to deposit a fat stack of cash into my bank account, but their AML alarm bells went off faster than a coked-up Charlie Sheen."

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29 Apr 2024

Angel Investor

"noun | ein·juhl in·vest·er A rich, ballsy mofo who throws cash at startup pipe dreams in hopes of getting in on the ground floor of the next Facebook. Angel investors are the sugar daddies of Silicon Valley, sprinkling their seed money on thirsty entrepreneurs with big ideas and empty pockets. But hey, high risk, high reward, right?"

Example

"I need an angel investor to fund my app that's like Uber, but for pet rocks." "My wife's boyfriend is an angel investor, so I'm hitting him up for some funding for my meme-based cryptocurrency." "I heard Ashton Kutcher is an angel investor now. Dude, where's my Series A funding?"

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29 Apr 2024

Altcoin

noun | alt·koin Any crypto that's not Bitcoin, the OG gangsta of digital money. Altcoins are like the hipster craft beers of the crypto world - there's one for every taste, but good luck figuring out which ones aren't just overhyped crap. From Ethereum to Dogecoin, altcoins promise the moon but often deliver dirt.

Example

"I'm tired of Bitcoin maximalists shitting on my altcoin portfolio. Bro, do you even DeFi?" "My crazy uncle is always shilling me some new altcoin that's gonna '100x bro, trust me!' I'm like, sure Jan." "I put my life savings into this obscure altcoin called 'ElonSperm' and now I'm living in a cardboard box."

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29 Apr 2024

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DIC stands for Definitions in Crypto. It is a dictionary for everything crypto and memecoins. And it is written by Degens like you.

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