noun | bagz
The hefty load of shitcoins you're left holding when you've FOMOed into a pump-and-dump. Bags are the participation trophies of the crypto world - sure, you didn't win, but at least you've got something to show for all those sleepless nights spent staring at CoinMarketCap.
Example
"My bags are so heavy, I've got a permanent crook in my neck from looking down at my phone every 5 seconds to check prices."
"I'm not bagholding, I'm just 'long-term investing' in 'fundamentally sound projects'. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!"
noun | bee tow·kens
A cryptotoken backed by real-world assets, so you can pretend you have a Ferrari without actually having to buy one. B-Token is essentially the equivalent of your girlfriend's boyfriend letting you ride in their new Lambo's passenger seat.
Example
"I'm all about them B-Tokens - why buy a Rembrandt when you can buy a B-Token backed by a Rembrandt that's locked in an underground vault guarded by cybernetic dogs?"
"I'll trade you my B-Token backed by a piece of the Eiffel Tower for your B-Token backed by a lock of Elon Musk's hair."
noun | av·uh·lanch
A blockchain that promises to be faster, cheaper, and more scalable than Ethereum, but with a name that just screams "shitcoin" I mean, seriously, who looked at the whitepaper and thought "You know what this needs? More natural disaster metaphors!" But hey, at least it's not called "Mt. Gox 2: Electric Boogaloo".
Example
"I aped into Avalanche because somebody on Reddit said it was the next big thing. I have a good feeling about this one, guys!"
"Sure, Avalanche might have sub-second finality and low fees, but does it have a dog mascot? Checkmate, Ethereum!"
noun | aw·tuh·mey·tid mahr·kit mey·ker
A robot that takes your shitcoins and turns them into slightly different shitcoins, all while skimming a little off the top. AMMs are the unsung heroes of the DeFi world, providing liquidity and enabling degenerates to gamble 24/7 on the latest food-themed memecoins.
Example
"I just dumped my life savings into an AMM that lets me trade SHIB for ELON. What could possibly go wrong?"
"Bro, have you tried this new AMM on Polygon? The slippage is so low, it's like trading on greased-up rails."
noun | awk·shuhn
A civilized way to separate fools from their money. Auctions are like a game of financial chicken, where the winner is the one with the most disposable income (or the least common sense). In the crypto world, auctions are often used to sell off rare NFTs, shitcoins, and other digital beanie babies.
Example
"I just won an auction for a CryptoPunk! Sure, I had to sell my kidney on the dark web to afford it, but it was totally worth it."
"The government is auctioning off a bunch of seized Bitcoin. Time to FOMO in and buy the top!"
noun | uh·tak sur·fis
All the places where some l33t haxx0r could pwn your system and steal your private keys (and your dignity). The more complex your code, the bigger your attack surface. It's like leaving your front door, back door, and all your windows wide open and then being surprised when you get robbed.
Example
"We need to audit our smart contract for vulnerabilities. I don't want to end up like Mt. Gox!"
"The new update to the Bitcoin protocol reduced the attack surface by 69%. Nice."
noun | uh·tom·ik swop
The closest thing to a trustless trade you'll get in the wild west of crypto. Atomic swaps let you trade one coin for another without having to trust some shady-ass centralizedexchange. It's like a digital version of those briefcases full of cash they use in spy movies, except instead of money, it's just a bunch of ones and zeroes.
Example
"I did an atomic swap of 1000 MOONs for 69 DOGE. No middleman, no KYC, no problem!"
"Atomic swaps are cool and all, but have you ever tried to debug a failed HTLC? It's like trying to defuse a bomb while blindfolded."
