noun | krip·toh·kur·uhn·see
Cryptocurrency is like Monopoly money on crack - it's all fun and games until someone loses their shirt (and their mortgage). It's that magical internet moolah that everyone and their grandma is talking about, even though most of them have no fucking clue how it actually works.
Example
"Cryptocurrency is like a giant game of musical chairs, except instead of chairs, it's digital coins, and instead of music, it's the sound of nerds arguing about blockchain on Twitter. And when the music stops, you better hope you're not the one left holding the bag (of worthless shitcoins)."
"I tried to explain cryptocurrency to my Boomer dad and he just looked at me like I was speaking Klingon. He still thinks 'Bitcoin' is what you get when you put a quarter in one of those toy dispensers at the grocery store. Smdh."
noun | bee·kuhn cheyn
The shining beacon of hope for Ethereum's scalability woes, or the world's most expensive participation trophy, depending on who you ask. The Beacon Chain is like the cool kid's table of the Ethereum ecosystem - everyone wants a seat, but nobody's quite sure how to get one.
Example
"I staked my ETH on the Beacon Chain because I believe in the future of Ethereum. Also, my wife's boyfriend said he'd give me my Nintendo Switch back if I did it."
"The Beacon Chain is live! Only 5-10 more years until we can actually use it for something!"
noun | beys
The absolute unit of a blockchain that lays the foundation for all the dApps, tokens, and other assorted crypto fuckery that gets built on top of it. The base is like the bedrock of the crypto world - sturdy, reliable, and really fucking boring to talk about at parties.
Example
"I only invest in projects with a strong base, like Ethereum or my mom's spaghetti recipe."
"The base layer of my investment strategy is 'buy high, sell low'. It's foolproof!"
noun | bagz
The hefty load of shitcoins you're left holding when you've FOMOed into a pump-and-dump. Bags are the participation trophies of the crypto world - sure, you didn't win, but at least you've got something to show for all those sleepless nights spent staring at CoinMarketCap.
Example
"My bags are so heavy, I've got a permanent crook in my neck from looking down at my phone every 5 seconds to check prices."
"I'm not bagholding, I'm just 'long-term investing' in 'fundamentally sound projects'. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!"
noun | bee tow·kens
A cryptotoken backed by real-world assets, so you can pretend you have a Ferrari without actually having to buy one. B-Token is essentially the equivalent of your girlfriend's boyfriend letting you ride in their new Lambo's passenger seat.
Example
"I'm all about them B-Tokens - why buy a Rembrandt when you can buy a B-Token backed by a Rembrandt that's locked in an underground vault guarded by cybernetic dogs?"
"I'll trade you my B-Token backed by a piece of the Eiffel Tower for your B-Token backed by a lock of Elon Musk's hair."
noun | av·uh·lanch
A blockchain that promises to be faster, cheaper, and more scalable than Ethereum, but with a name that just screams "shitcoin" I mean, seriously, who looked at the whitepaper and thought "You know what this needs? More natural disaster metaphors!" But hey, at least it's not called "Mt. Gox 2: Electric Boogaloo".
Example
"I aped into Avalanche because somebody on Reddit said it was the next big thing. I have a good feeling about this one, guys!"
"Sure, Avalanche might have sub-second finality and low fees, but does it have a dog mascot? Checkmate, Ethereum!"
