noun | hahrd lan·ding
A hard landing is like a plane crash for the economy - it's when the market takes a sudden and severe downturn, leaving investors and businesses scrambling for the emergency exits. It's the opposite of the "soft landing" that economists are always hoping for, but let's be real - when has the economy ever done anything softly?
Example
"If the Fed keeps raising interest rates, we could be in for a hard landing that makes the 2008 crash look like a fender bender."
"My portfolio just took a hard landing straight into the toilet - I knew I shouldn't have aped into those meme coins during the bull run. Lesson learned (until next time)."
noun | hahrd fawrk
A hard fork is like a divorce on the blockchain - it's when a cryptocurrency splits into two separate chains, usually because of some irreconcilable differences between the developers and the community. It's like a custody battle over the coins, and everyone has to pick a side.
Example
"When Bitcoin Cash hard forked from Bitcoin, it was like watching your parents get divorced - messy, confusing, and everyone ended up poorer in the end."
"I'm thinking about hard forking my shitcoin to create a new version with an even bigger premine. Gotta keep those VCs on their toes, ya know?"
noun | hahrd kap
A hard cap is like the bouncer at an exclusive nightclub - it's the maximum amount of money that a project is willing to raise during its ICO or token sale. Once the hard cap is reached, the party's over and no more money can come in (unless you're willing to slip the bouncer a few ETH on the side).
Example
"We set the hard cap for our ICO at 100,000 ETH - anything more than that and we'd have too much money to know what to do with. Plus, we want to keep our token supply nice and scarce, like a limited edition Beanie Baby."
"Yo, did you hear about that new DeFi project? They raised their hard cap in like 30 seconds flat! I tried to get in but the gas fees were higher than Snoop Dogg on a Saturday night."
noun | hav·ing
Halving is like the crypto equivalent of a bar cutting its happy hour prices in half - it's when the reward for mining a block on the Bitcoin network gets slashed by 50%. It's like a built-in deflationary mechanism that makes BTC scarcer over time, which in theory should make the price go up (but let's be real, this is crypto - anything can happen).
Example
"I'm stacking sats like crazy before the next halving - gotta accumulate while the gettin's good, ya feel me? Once that block reward gets cut in half, it's gonna be like trying to buy BTC with Zimbabwean dollars."
"Halvings are like the Olympics of the Bitcoin world - they only happen every four years, and they're always accompanied by a lot of hype, speculation, and shitty memes. It's like a global holiday for degens, except instead of getting gifts, we're all just hoping for sick gains."
noun | feer and greed in·deks
The Fear and Greed Index is like the mood ring of the crypto market - it's a metric that tries to quantify the current sentiment of traders based on factors like volatility, volume, and social media buzz. It's like a Ouija board for degens, telling us whether we should be buying the dip or panic selling our bags.
Example
"I woke up this morning and checked the Fear and Greed Index - it's at 'Extreme Fear' right now, which means it's time to ape into some shitcoins and pray for a bounce."
"The Fear and Greed Index is like the horoscope for crypto traders - it's all bullshit, but we still check it every day just in case it tells us what we want to hear. 'Moon soon' is the new 'you will meet a tall, dark stranger.'"
"When the Fear and Greed Index is at 'Extreme Greed', that's when you know it's time to take profits and run for the hills. It's like when your coke dealer starts accepting Bitcoin - the top is in, and it's all downhill from here."
noun | moon·shots
A moonshot is like the holy grail of shitcoins - it's that one project that comes out of nowhere and goes absolutely parabolic, turning a bunch of basement-dwelling neckbeards into overnight millionaires. It's the dream of every degen to catch a moonshot early and ride it all the way to the top.
Example
"I put $100 into this new DeFi protocol called 'CumRocket' and it 1000x'd in a week. Guess you could say I'm a certified moonshot chaser now."
"Moonshots are like the lottery tickets of the crypto world - everyone wants to buy one, but deep down we all know that the odds of winning are about as slim as Vitalik's neck. But that doesn't stop us from dreaming about landing that one big score that will let us retire to a private island and spend our days shitposting on Twitter."
"Chasing moonshots is like playing Russian roulette with your life savings - sure, there's a small chance you could end up filthy rich, but more likely you'll just end up blowing your brains out (and your portfolio). But hey, that's the price you pay for being a true degen."
"The key to landing a moonshot is to have absolutely no shame or dignity - you gotta be willing to ape into the scummiest, most low-cap projects out there and shill them to your friends and family like your life depends on it. Remember, it's not about the technology or the fundamentals - it's about getting in early and dumping your bags on the next sucker before the rug gets pulled."
noun | rug·pull
A rugpull is like the ultimate betrayal in the crypto world - it's when a project team suddenly abandons ship and runs off with all the investors' money, leaving everyone else holding the bag (and the worthless tokens). It's like getting dumped by your Tinder date after you already paid for dinner and drinks.
Example
"I aped into this new yield farm called 'TittyFinance' and staked my life savings. Woke up the next day to find out the devs had pulled the rug and drained the liquidity pool. Now I'm broke, homeless, and simping for feet pics on OnlyFans."
"Getting rugged is like a rite of passage in DeFi - if you haven't been scammed at least once, you're not a real degen. It's like getting your heart broken for the first time - it sucks, but it builds character (and makes you more paranoid about smart contract audits)."
