noun | dee·ey·oh
A DAO is like a group chat on steroids - it's a bunch of people who pool their money together to do cool $hit, except instead of just talking about it, they actually make it happen (sometimes). It's like a company, but without all the lame corporate hierarchy and water cooler gossip.
Example
"DAOs are like the Avengers of the crypto world - a group of individuals with different skills and backgrounds coming together to save the world (or at least make some sick gainz)."
"I started a DAO with my homies to buy a McDonald's franchise and run it on the blockchain. We called it 'McDAO.' It failed miserably, but at least we got some fresh memes out of it."
noun | dank·shaa·ding
Danksharding is like taking a massive bong rip of scalability - it's a proposed upgrade to Ethereum that would make the network faster, cheaper, and more efficient than a crackhead on payday. It's like sharding, but with a dank meme twist that only true galaxy brains can appreciate.
Example
"Danksharding is the key to making DeFi accessible to the masses. Soon, even your grandma will be able to yield farm her pension on Uniswap while playing Bingo at the nursing home."
"Just wait until normies find out about danksharding - they're gonna be FOMOing into ETH faster than a white girl at Starbucks on Pumpkin Spice Latte day."
noun | dey·muh n
A daemon is like the little elf that lives inside your computer and does all the boring $hit for you - except instead of making cookies, it's running blockchain nodes and validating transactions. It's a background process that just kinda sits there and does its thing, like that one stoner friend who's always hanging out on your couch but never really says anything.
Example
"Daemons are like digital rats - you might not see them, but they're always there, lurking in the background and eating up your system resources like a fat kid at a buffet."
"This crypto project I found claims to have a 'groundbreaking new consensus daemon' but I'm pretty sure it's just a reskinned version of PIVX with the logo changed. Miss me with that scammy $hit, fam."
noun | kuh·stuh·dee
Custody is like being grounded by your parents, except instead of not being able to go to the mall, you can't access your own fucking money. It's when you give up control of your crypto to some third party (like an exchange or a wallet provider) and just hope they don't pull a Mt. Gox and yeet all your funds into the shadow realm.
Example
"Not your keys, not your crypto' is the GOAT of custody advice. If you don't hold your own private keys, you're basically just letting someone else raw dog your funds."
"I learned the hard way that leaving your crypto in the custody of an exchange is like leaving your weed with the cops - you're probably never gonna see that shit again, and if you do, it might be all stomped on and sprinkled with Oregano."
"Imagine letting a boomer bank have custody of your Bitcoin. That's like letting your grandma hold onto your Juul - she's probably just gonna throw it away and tell you that 'smoking is bad for you, sweaty.' Smh."
noun | kuh·stoh·dee·uhl waa·lit
A custodial wallet is like giving your money to a crackhead and telling them to "hold it for you" - you're basically trusting someone else to keep your shit safe, even though they might be sketchy as hell. It's the crypto equivalent of letting your mom hold onto your allowance because you can't be trusted not to spend it all on Pokémon cards and Juul pods.
Example
"Using a custodial wallet is like putting your dick in a glory hole - you might get a nice surprise, but you also might get your shit chopped off by a rusty knife. Proceed with caution, my dudes."
"I lost the password to my custodial wallet and now I gotta email some random 'support' address and beg them to give me back my funny internet money. Feels bad man."
verb | krip·toh·jak·ing
Cryptojacking is the digital equivalent of someone breaking into your house, stealing your computer, and then using it to mine Dogecoin while you're not looking. It's a sneaky little trick that hackers use to make money off of your hardware without your knowledge or consent.
Example
"Cryptojacking is like a digital STD - you can get it from visiting sketchy websites, downloading shady software, or clicking on weird links in your DMs. And once you've got it, it's a bitch to get rid of."
"I secretly installed cryptojacking software on my ex-girlfriend's computer as revenge for dumping me. Now every time she logs on to Facebook, she's actually mining Monero for my personal gain. Get rekt, Jessica!"
noun | krip·taw·gruh·fee
Cryptography is like the black magic of the internet - it's what keeps your darkest secrets and most shameful browser histories safe from prying eyes. It's a mysterious art that involves a lot of math, a lot of jargon, and a lot of nerds arguing about the best way to encrypt a dick pic.
Example
"Cryptography is like a chastity belt for your data - it keeps everything locked up tight and makes sure no one can get in without your permission (or a really big pair of bolt cutters)."
"I once used cryptography to encrypt a love letter to my ex-girlfriend. Then I realized I forgot the decryption key and now I'll never know what I wrote. Probably for the best, tbh."
